I planned to start my blog with my “Official” first blog entry being about Enchanticals. I will do that in my next post. But, I believe, in my first entry, I need to tell you about Poe.
Poe came into my life and I into his for a very short time. But that time together and the time after he was gone, somehow, as if by magical or other intervention, taught me so many things, reminded me of so many forgotten important things, clarified and helped me understand situations that I struggled to make sense of, and helped me find my Sacred Power Animal.
Because of his influence on me, naturally, that influence extended to my Enchanticals, my shop at Etsy. (www.Enchanticals.etsy.com)
I created the name Enchanticals, as well as creating the imaginary place called Enchanticals. My profile on Enchanticals is about Poe; but it is important to include it here.
I was adopted by a crow. Really! How lucky I was!
Whenever I went outside into my backyard, this large black crow with shiny black, almost blue, feathers appeared. He lived… well; actually, I wasn’t exactly sure where he lived.
Amazingly, he simply appeared the minute I went outside. If our birdfeeders in our bird sanctuary were empty, he came up from behind me and gently tapped me on the right shoulder. Then, he sat on the fence watching and waiting for me to fill them. If I didn’t fill them right away, then he would fly upwards with feathers flying, circle around me, and again tap me on the right shoulder….this time with a little force. This was odd because, he never ate from the birdfeeders. Never.
Each day when I began to garden or do whatever it is I do when outside, he would join me by sitting on the fence moving along it, side-stepping, around the yard so he could watch me and be near. We didn’t talk. He just kept me company. I would try to strike up a conversation, but he was more of a listener than a talker.
And, when the birdbath needed water, he called my name, in crow, of course. If I was inside and didn’t hear him, he tapped on the window where, Thistle Bea, my precious Calico kitty, sits. Thistle Bea would then come to tell me to fill it.
Now, that is enchantment…
Then one day, my crow, Poe, left me a very special gift…one of his shiny black feathers. So, I pulled a hair out of my head and left it for him in return. If that had continued, one of us would have been bald.
Having Poe with me outside daily was pure magic. I felt so lucky and enchanted. The garden felt magical for some reason; the sun seemed brighter, the flowers more colorful, and the birds’ songs more beautiful than usual. That magic of Poe’s touched me in all aspects of my life, including Enchanticals.
But, sadly, my crow, Poe, died. He died a horrible death because of me.
The side of my house which faces the backyard is all windows. I had them tinted, but, in spite of that, my Poe, flew into one of them and cracked his skull open. He must have seen me in the house and flew to me, not seeing the glass of the window.
I ran outside after he slammed full force into the window, hoping he was okay. But, I found him dead. His brains were imbedded in my screen, on the window, and on the ground.
I picked him up and cradled him in my arms. That was the first time I ever got to touch and hold my Poe. He was still so warm, beautiful, black, and delicate. Even though his life energy left, I could still feel some of it as I held him.
I was very lonely after he died whenever I went outside. I keep looking for him on the fence, hoping maybe, just maybe, that was not my Poe who died. But, sadly it was not.
After my Poe died, I experienced some very odd things.
Poe, as mentioned, never ate from the feeders in my bird sanctuary on the side of my house even though he insisted I fill them. I had to serve him his food in HIS special place.
A few weeks after his death, every day at the exact time, the bird sanctuary was filled with crows, blackbirds, and magpies. I had never seen a magpie in the flesh or should I say, in the wing, before… only in photos. They are so beautiful.
For some reason, when they all came and the bird sanctuary was filled to the brim with only black feathered birds, I was reminded of a New Orleans jazz style funeral.
They continued to come for about a three weeks. Then… they no longer came…not even one. The bird sanctuary was filled with all kinds of other species of birds except black ones.
I didn’t understand why. I still don’t. I thought they held me accountable for Poe’s death. Time went by and not a single black bird of any kind came into my yard. It was as if my yard and the sanctuary were now off limits.
Then one very hot day towards in late summer, while I was on my knees gardening, a large crow swooped down towards me to get my attention and then perch himself on the top edge of my pergola that covers my deck. He just sat there staring at me. I felt very uncomfortable as if he could see into me somehow or was sizing me up or judging me. Then, after what seemed like an eternity, he made a little sound in his throat, seemed to dismiss me, and flew away towards the east.
I was perplexed and felt, well, mixed emotions …discomfort, feeling I failed some test, and a deep sadness. I wanted my Poe.
Then, two weeks or so later, when I was sitting with my little Thistle Bea at her inside window seat, where she watches her bird friends, a large raven appeared and started eating out of the feeders. He was so big, black, and regal. After that day, he came, alone, every day at exactly the same time. He did this for what seemed to be more than a week. I am not sure.
Then, one day, after he arrived at the same time and ate, the bird sanctuary was filled, not only with all our regular birds and the big regal raven, but also with blackbirds of every kind.
For some reason, I had been exonerated. How do I know? Well, they came back... all of them.
Then, a horrible event occurred in my life; my precious, oh-so-loved, adored and treasured, Cody, my Silky Terrier, my touchstone, my heart, and my baby boy, was killed by our vet. His death and his manner of death almost destroyed me. Something inside of me seemed to die. I felt nothing, ate nothing, and enjoyed nothing. I felt I was waiting…just waiting…
My longing for Cody was so strong, I was in agony. I would not go outside in the backyard. Whenever I looked outside, I remembered Poe side stepping on the fence and my Cody sleeping on a little soft favorite blue blanket on a slight hill near the pine tree every day from 8 am to 10 am.
All the magic and enchantment of my gardens and the back yard were gone again. It felt foreign, grey, empty, dead, and cold. I hated it.
Then, one day, I was forced to go outside. I don’t remember why. Out of the corner of my right eye, I thought I saw a black bird soaring overhead, but waved it off as a reflection caused by the sun or a floater in my eye.
Without warning, out of nowhere appeared an orange butterfly. He flew right to me and sat on my right shoulder. He stayed there all the time I was outside. From that day forward, whenever I went outside either in back or in front, that orange butterfly rode my shoulder. He would, from time to time hop off and drink from some flower or perch himself on my finger. He was my constant companion whenever I was outside. I knew who it was and I knew who sent him.
I spent hours online trying to identify that orange butterfly with rather rounded wings and a color of pure rather translucent orange. I called butterfly experts. No one knew the species or name and I came up fruitless.
But, I knew who it was and I knew who sent him. So, I was not surprised I could not identify the type of butterfly it was.
The magic came back to my backyard and gardens. It became enchanted again because I knew who was with me. It was my Cody. You may think I am deluding myself or imagining these things to ease the grief. Not so. I know.
Life is filled with wonders that we cannot see or truly understand or explain or refuse to accept, but that does not make them unreal, erase their existence. And, the ones that do understand, so see, and do accept are not fools, grieving and believing in the make believe.
Life, to be fully experienced must be looked at, not just with one’s brain, science and “reason”, but rather with what you feel, know in your inner core, what your intuition tells you, what you knew and saw as a child, with openness, wonder, enchantment, and with your heart. That is when the magic and true enchantment of life appears.
As Cody’s one year anniversary of his death appeared, I became anxious and overly excited. I felt on his anniversary, I would see him… a visitation of some sort. I couldn’t wait. Well, the day came and went and no Cody. No visitation. Not even a dream about him while I slept. I was crushed and broken.
I went outside hoping or rather expecting the orange butterfly to come to me, but he did not. He too was gone. I was disheartened. So, I picked up a shovel and starting digging a hole for some new plants.
I stopped to catch my breath and looked up and there for a fraction of a second was a black bird, a crow. He seemed to be flying across the sun. Then, he was gone. The next moment, on my right shoulder was a butterfly, just like the orange one who had been my companion outside for a year after Cody left, except he was a bright yellow.
That yellow butterfly comes to me daily, plus, my front yard and back yard are filled with all kinds of butterflies daily. When I appear, they fly to great me or feast on the flowers next to where I am gardening. I can carry them on my finger or they ride my shoulders. But, the yellow one is always present.
I know who that yellow butterfly is and I know who sent him. I also know why, for the first year he was orange, and, now, yellow.
Believe me or not, this is the truth. Enchantment is always afoot here at my home and front and back yards, as well as in my shop, Enchanticals.
In my next blog I will tell you about Enchanticals. And, the time between posts will not be so long and my posts will not be this lengthy. Somehow, getting the first one out is difficult.
Be sure to stop by Enchanticals (www.Enchanticals.etsy.com). Halloween is in full swing and there are so many spooky wonderful Halloween creations for your dollhouses, fashion dolls, and you…for decorating.
Marsha
http://www.enchanticals.etsy.com/
Poe came into my life and I into his for a very short time. But that time together and the time after he was gone, somehow, as if by magical or other intervention, taught me so many things, reminded me of so many forgotten important things, clarified and helped me understand situations that I struggled to make sense of, and helped me find my Sacred Power Animal.
Because of his influence on me, naturally, that influence extended to my Enchanticals, my shop at Etsy. (www.Enchanticals.etsy.com)
I created the name Enchanticals, as well as creating the imaginary place called Enchanticals. My profile on Enchanticals is about Poe; but it is important to include it here.
I was adopted by a crow. Really! How lucky I was!
Whenever I went outside into my backyard, this large black crow with shiny black, almost blue, feathers appeared. He lived… well; actually, I wasn’t exactly sure where he lived.
Amazingly, he simply appeared the minute I went outside. If our birdfeeders in our bird sanctuary were empty, he came up from behind me and gently tapped me on the right shoulder. Then, he sat on the fence watching and waiting for me to fill them. If I didn’t fill them right away, then he would fly upwards with feathers flying, circle around me, and again tap me on the right shoulder….this time with a little force. This was odd because, he never ate from the birdfeeders. Never.
Each day when I began to garden or do whatever it is I do when outside, he would join me by sitting on the fence moving along it, side-stepping, around the yard so he could watch me and be near. We didn’t talk. He just kept me company. I would try to strike up a conversation, but he was more of a listener than a talker.
And, when the birdbath needed water, he called my name, in crow, of course. If I was inside and didn’t hear him, he tapped on the window where, Thistle Bea, my precious Calico kitty, sits. Thistle Bea would then come to tell me to fill it.
Now, that is enchantment…
Then one day, my crow, Poe, left me a very special gift…one of his shiny black feathers. So, I pulled a hair out of my head and left it for him in return. If that had continued, one of us would have been bald.
Having Poe with me outside daily was pure magic. I felt so lucky and enchanted. The garden felt magical for some reason; the sun seemed brighter, the flowers more colorful, and the birds’ songs more beautiful than usual. That magic of Poe’s touched me in all aspects of my life, including Enchanticals.
But, sadly, my crow, Poe, died. He died a horrible death because of me.
The side of my house which faces the backyard is all windows. I had them tinted, but, in spite of that, my Poe, flew into one of them and cracked his skull open. He must have seen me in the house and flew to me, not seeing the glass of the window.
I ran outside after he slammed full force into the window, hoping he was okay. But, I found him dead. His brains were imbedded in my screen, on the window, and on the ground.
I picked him up and cradled him in my arms. That was the first time I ever got to touch and hold my Poe. He was still so warm, beautiful, black, and delicate. Even though his life energy left, I could still feel some of it as I held him.
I was very lonely after he died whenever I went outside. I keep looking for him on the fence, hoping maybe, just maybe, that was not my Poe who died. But, sadly it was not.
After my Poe died, I experienced some very odd things.
Poe, as mentioned, never ate from the feeders in my bird sanctuary on the side of my house even though he insisted I fill them. I had to serve him his food in HIS special place.
A few weeks after his death, every day at the exact time, the bird sanctuary was filled with crows, blackbirds, and magpies. I had never seen a magpie in the flesh or should I say, in the wing, before… only in photos. They are so beautiful.
For some reason, when they all came and the bird sanctuary was filled to the brim with only black feathered birds, I was reminded of a New Orleans jazz style funeral.
They continued to come for about a three weeks. Then… they no longer came…not even one. The bird sanctuary was filled with all kinds of other species of birds except black ones.
I didn’t understand why. I still don’t. I thought they held me accountable for Poe’s death. Time went by and not a single black bird of any kind came into my yard. It was as if my yard and the sanctuary were now off limits.
Then one very hot day towards in late summer, while I was on my knees gardening, a large crow swooped down towards me to get my attention and then perch himself on the top edge of my pergola that covers my deck. He just sat there staring at me. I felt very uncomfortable as if he could see into me somehow or was sizing me up or judging me. Then, after what seemed like an eternity, he made a little sound in his throat, seemed to dismiss me, and flew away towards the east.
I was perplexed and felt, well, mixed emotions …discomfort, feeling I failed some test, and a deep sadness. I wanted my Poe.
Then, two weeks or so later, when I was sitting with my little Thistle Bea at her inside window seat, where she watches her bird friends, a large raven appeared and started eating out of the feeders. He was so big, black, and regal. After that day, he came, alone, every day at exactly the same time. He did this for what seemed to be more than a week. I am not sure.
Then, one day, after he arrived at the same time and ate, the bird sanctuary was filled, not only with all our regular birds and the big regal raven, but also with blackbirds of every kind.
For some reason, I had been exonerated. How do I know? Well, they came back... all of them.
Then, a horrible event occurred in my life; my precious, oh-so-loved, adored and treasured, Cody, my Silky Terrier, my touchstone, my heart, and my baby boy, was killed by our vet. His death and his manner of death almost destroyed me. Something inside of me seemed to die. I felt nothing, ate nothing, and enjoyed nothing. I felt I was waiting…just waiting…
My longing for Cody was so strong, I was in agony. I would not go outside in the backyard. Whenever I looked outside, I remembered Poe side stepping on the fence and my Cody sleeping on a little soft favorite blue blanket on a slight hill near the pine tree every day from 8 am to 10 am.
All the magic and enchantment of my gardens and the back yard were gone again. It felt foreign, grey, empty, dead, and cold. I hated it.
Then, one day, I was forced to go outside. I don’t remember why. Out of the corner of my right eye, I thought I saw a black bird soaring overhead, but waved it off as a reflection caused by the sun or a floater in my eye.
Without warning, out of nowhere appeared an orange butterfly. He flew right to me and sat on my right shoulder. He stayed there all the time I was outside. From that day forward, whenever I went outside either in back or in front, that orange butterfly rode my shoulder. He would, from time to time hop off and drink from some flower or perch himself on my finger. He was my constant companion whenever I was outside. I knew who it was and I knew who sent him.
I spent hours online trying to identify that orange butterfly with rather rounded wings and a color of pure rather translucent orange. I called butterfly experts. No one knew the species or name and I came up fruitless.
But, I knew who it was and I knew who sent him. So, I was not surprised I could not identify the type of butterfly it was.
The magic came back to my backyard and gardens. It became enchanted again because I knew who was with me. It was my Cody. You may think I am deluding myself or imagining these things to ease the grief. Not so. I know.
Life is filled with wonders that we cannot see or truly understand or explain or refuse to accept, but that does not make them unreal, erase their existence. And, the ones that do understand, so see, and do accept are not fools, grieving and believing in the make believe.
Life, to be fully experienced must be looked at, not just with one’s brain, science and “reason”, but rather with what you feel, know in your inner core, what your intuition tells you, what you knew and saw as a child, with openness, wonder, enchantment, and with your heart. That is when the magic and true enchantment of life appears.
As Cody’s one year anniversary of his death appeared, I became anxious and overly excited. I felt on his anniversary, I would see him… a visitation of some sort. I couldn’t wait. Well, the day came and went and no Cody. No visitation. Not even a dream about him while I slept. I was crushed and broken.
I went outside hoping or rather expecting the orange butterfly to come to me, but he did not. He too was gone. I was disheartened. So, I picked up a shovel and starting digging a hole for some new plants.
I stopped to catch my breath and looked up and there for a fraction of a second was a black bird, a crow. He seemed to be flying across the sun. Then, he was gone. The next moment, on my right shoulder was a butterfly, just like the orange one who had been my companion outside for a year after Cody left, except he was a bright yellow.
That yellow butterfly comes to me daily, plus, my front yard and back yard are filled with all kinds of butterflies daily. When I appear, they fly to great me or feast on the flowers next to where I am gardening. I can carry them on my finger or they ride my shoulders. But, the yellow one is always present.
I know who that yellow butterfly is and I know who sent him. I also know why, for the first year he was orange, and, now, yellow.
Believe me or not, this is the truth. Enchantment is always afoot here at my home and front and back yards, as well as in my shop, Enchanticals.
In my next blog I will tell you about Enchanticals. And, the time between posts will not be so long and my posts will not be this lengthy. Somehow, getting the first one out is difficult.
Be sure to stop by Enchanticals (www.Enchanticals.etsy.com). Halloween is in full swing and there are so many spooky wonderful Halloween creations for your dollhouses, fashion dolls, and you…for decorating.
Marsha
http://www.enchanticals.etsy.com/
No comments:
Post a Comment